Pairing: Miyata Toshiya [Tamamori Yuta x Kitayama Hiromitsu]
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
I remember those words he threw in my face. Those simple words; they struck a cord with me. Looking back it was those words changed my thinking; they changed me. They made me better. It was too bad that it all came too late.
“How could you do something like that? Don’t you ever think of the consequences?”
He looked at me uncomprehendingly.
“Why do you always have to touch me in public? Why do you want to hold my hand? Why can’t it just be us? Why do we have to invite the whole world to witness what we do together? Have you no shame?”
As soon as I said those last words and saw his eyes darken and narrow I knew I had said the wrong thing.
“You’re ashamed of me? Of us?”
“That’s what you just said, isn’t it? Why can’t we just lie to the whole entire world?”
I could hear the mocking tone in his last question.
“I just don’t understand why…”
“I love you.”
“I love you, that’s why. Don’t you love me?”
“It’s not that easy, I’m trying, ok?”
He stiffened and took a step back. “You’re trying?” he scoffed.
I had said the wrong thing again.
“There is no such thing as try. There is ‘do’ or ‘do not’.”
He didn’t spare me a backwards glance and I never called out to him. Just like that I let him stride right out of my life. He ignored me and I never asked for his attention again. I had hurt him; I watched his struggle to regain his smile. Days and weeks, weeks and months past, never once did I go to him. I was too afraid, too unsure and now it is too late.
I watched him fall in love. I saw their secret glances and the brush of fingertips become wide brilliant smiles and clasped hands with interlaced fingers.
We never speak of the time when we were together but sometimes I catch his eye and his smile fades and I know he remembers. I want him to know that I am thankful for his words. I want him to know that I’m sorry for hurting him. I want him to know that I am happy for him.
I want him to know, but I can never seem to find the right words.
A/N: ‘Do or do not, there is no try’ – Yoda…. XD
Also…I made it OC =.= and I never named names so if you don’t like the pairings sub in whatever you wish…that’s just who I had in mind when I wrote it. This was supposed to be a happy!miyataxtamamori fic…obviously I failed… ;_;
Title: Of Inopportune Moments and Shrewd Insight
Pairing: Senga Kento + Hashimoto Ryosuke
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
When Hasshi walked into what he thought was an unused practice room and discovered a teary, blotchy, depressed, totally pitiful looking Senga huddled in the middle of the room with his knees drawn up to his chest he very nearly walked out again. He felt that perhaps he was too young to deal with this; whatever this is. Nah, to be honest he was just comfortable.
Hasshi has never been close to Senga, in fact it was probably safe to say that although Hasshi is on good times with most of the juniors, at least the ones he knew the names of, he has had very little to do with Senga. For some reason, Senga has always appeared to be so much older regardless of the fact that he was only two years older then Hasshi himself, same as Arioka really. Perhaps it is because Senga is a part of Kis-my-Ft2 and all of them are older again.
Never before has Hasshi seen any one look so miserable; not when Kamei left his favourite manga on the train or when Takaki dropped his phone in a glass of water. Hasshi was still not quite sure how he had managed to do that. The point was Senga looked miserable and Hasshi was quite inept at making people feel better. He got all uncomfortable and nervous and it always ended badly.
The name was out before he managed to stop himself. Hasshi hesitated a bit when he saw Senga stiffen in surprise and once again against his better judgment he found himself walking forward. He slid the door shut behind him and came to squat beside Senga’s somewhat prone form.
There was no reply. Hasshi reached out a hand to lay upon his shoulder but thought better of it and retracted it to his side.
“Do you want me to go find Nikaido-kun?”
The word was spoken with such vehemence Hasshi almost fell backwards.
Senga sniffled and slowly raised his head. Hasshi could see the redness of his eyes and nose, the tear tracks still glistening on his cheeks in the half light of the deserted room. Despite how awful Senga must feel at this very moment and despite his somewhat despondent appearance, there was something beautiful about a boy wearing tears, no matter how ashamed he was of them.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“I’m the only one here aren’t I?”
The patronizing tone in his words hurt Hasshi but he was willing to let it slide since it was obvious that Senga was upset.
“You’re just a kid.”
With that Hasshi stood up abruptly, Senga tilted his head back to watch him with wide eyes.
“I was just trying to help. You don’t want me to help, that’s fine. Don’t justify not sharing your hurt with me with ‘you’re just a kid’. I might be younger than you Senga but that doesn’t make me any less susceptible to pain. I may still view the world with the eyes of a child but that doesn’t make me stupid.”
With those words Hasshi turned to leave.
“Wait. I’m sorry.”
Upon hearing the meek apology Hasshi sighed and sat down again. Crossing his legs and resting his elbows on his knees he looked at Senga expectantly. Senga did not disappoint.
“I said something I shouldn't have and now I regret it.”
“Then why don’t you just apologise.”
“It isn’t that simple and besides, I don’t want to apologise.”
Hasshi raised an eyebrow, he didn’t understand.
“I confessed to someone and I shouldn’t have said anything because now everything is weird.”
“Did he reject you?”
“I kind of didn’t wait around for the shock to wear off enough for him to give me an answer. It was too embarrassing.”
“Why was it embarrassing? You like him right? Shouldn’t you feel…”
“He’s my best friend. He’s a boy,” he sighed, “You just wouldn’t understand.”
Hasshi frowned at the yet another implication that he was a child so he couldn’t possibly understand.
“I don’t think it matters if the one you like is a boy…or your bestfriend…”
“What would you know?”
Hasshi’s eyes narrowed, he had been interrupted again and he felt as if he was being insulted again.
Senga continued along those same lines, oblivious to Hasshi’s rising ire.
“You have no idea what it is like to say something and really mean it. Nika’s my bestfriend, I probably just ruined that. You’re totally a child. You have no idea what it is like to feel something, like love, and know that it’s true and…”
Senga’s mouth fell open in shock.
“I came in here when I could have walked away because you were sad. I’ve tried to listen but all I’ve heard are excuses and complaints and then you insult me. You know nothing about me Senga except of course my age.
I do know what it’s like to love someone. I do understand how hard it is to confess to that someone. I don’t think it matters whether the one you love is a boy or a girl, I think it only matters what you yourself think. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Maybe you have ruined your friendship with Nikaido-kun, you probably will never be just friends again but that’s because any fool with eyes can see the he is crazy for you and has been waiting for you to realize what you want for yourself.
Stop moping and get up and go find him. He’s probably waiting for you; I think he’s probably been waiting for you for a long time. You were just too much of a child to see it!”
Hasshi ended his tirade with those harsh words; the sarcasm of them was probably lost on Senga but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He stormed out of that practice room and down the hall to the changing rooms.
As he lent against the cool metal of the lockers he forced himself to calm my breathing. His hands rose to press against his cheeks and sighed at the heat he felt in them. Hasshi knew that he was childish in many aspects and he thought it was one of his charm points. He was proud of the fact that he had retained a part of his adolescence. He was only fourteen years old and many of his opinions and views may be considered childish, but they were his own. Opinions he had formed on his own and they would develop as he grew.
He meant what he had said to Senga though. He did know what it was like. The day he confessed had been the scariest in his whole life; he had spent the entire time a nervous wreck with his heart in his throat, his pulse thumping in his ears and butterflies in his stomach the size of elephants. He had done it though and it had been worth it.
A strong hand landed heavily against his shoulder, he didn’t have to look to see whom it belong to. He had long become familiar with his touch. Another hand found his hip bone, stroking the exposed flesh there. He didn’t even try to reign in the full body shiver that coursed through him. The hand on his shoulder snaked down across his torso and a chin nuzzled the skin on his neck, dry lips pressing a soft kiss below his left ear.
Hasshi allowed himself to be pulled backwards; his body melting against the one pressed against his back. He felt comfortable in this embrace, safe, warm and loved.
When Hasshi walked into what he thought would be a deserted stairwell that same afternoon and discovered what appeared to be Senga pinning Nikaido to the wall with passionate, enthusiastic if not somewhat unpracticed kisses he walked right back out again.
The child in him couldn't help but giggle. He tried to smoother the noise but he just ended up laughing. He pressed the down button for the elevators, ignored the curious looks he was getting and settled on grinning like an idiot.
A/N: I really have no idea... T_T