Pairing: Miyata Toshiya x Tamamori Yuta
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
Prompt: I want to spend my life finding the answer to the question in my heart.
Miyata thinks that maybe he has always been the odd one out.
He joined because he liked to dance; he didn’t mind singing and his parents thought it would be a good opportunity – to make friends, connections and memories to last a life time. Miyata thinks he has plenty of the latter.
Miyata respects his parents. He fulfills his obligations and his duties with minimal fuss. He studies because it is expected of him not because he has any great desire for something more.
To be completely truthful, Miyata doesn’t actually know what it is that he wants from his life.
Sometimes he gets lonely. Sometimes it feels like there is something missing in his life, sometimes that knowledge aches but he doesn’t know what it is, he doesn’t know where to look for something to fill the gap. Truly, sometimes he gets so very lonely. It isn’t that he doesn’t have any friends. It’s more that he doesn’t have anyone that he is especially close to. He isn’t sexy, or flirtatious. He isn’t a wonderful dancer or a fantastic singer. He isn’t someone his band mates confide in. He doesn’t have a gorgeous smile, he isn’t tall or tanned or especially toned.
Miyata is really just average. He had always thought he was ok with that.
When Miyata looks around amongst those he sees almost everyday, works with, trains with, laughs with he is often struck at the very differences between them. Sometimes he wonders how they even became to be something akin to friends. Even within his own group, all of them are so very different, he wonders if he hadn’t joined Johnny’s and if he had met them in another time, another place, he wonders if they’d be friends.
Miyata feels lost when he looks at them more often than not. He feels as if he doesn’t know his own place amongst even those he cares about, the ones he would like to think of as his friends. He is very good at watching. People think because he is always calm and never worries that he doesn’t notice things. Miyata is always watching, always observing.
He’s watched the members of Kis-My-Ft2 evolve and grow over their years together. He noticed the things that remained constant and the things that have changed. If he were asked to describe his band mates he would do so easily and it would go something like this;
Taisuke is someone who at first glance appears vain, kind of flakey and flirtatious and yet is incredibly hardworking, a caring sensitive soul and a fiercely loyal friend. Kitayama, who does everything at his own pace but always, always makes time for you if you need him.
Then there is Wataru, who sometimes seems distant and cold but is someone that probably cares far more than he should. You could always depend on Yokoo to be the voice of calm and reason in the middle of the chaotic mess also known as the Kisumai dressing rooms. Senga, who tries so hard to appear ‘adult’ and who has matured so much in the past few years but still retains that youthful innocence and naivety that endeared him to them all in the first place. Nikaido - whose grin can light up a room but whose vicious tongue could rip you apart with a few choice words. He is someone who sometimes seems so desperately lonely even when he's in the centre of a crowded room.
And then there is Tamamori.
For Miyata, Tamamori is the one who is the most confusing. He is quiet and studious. He’s dreamy and whimsical and often caught up in his own thoughts. He can unknowingly provoke Taisuke’s ire and be reduced to tears from the resulting scolding. Tamamori can be flirty and downright provocative when he wants to be. So many contradictions made Miyata’s head spin.
Mostly though, Miyata finds Tamamori the most confusing of all the members of Kisumai because he alone can make Miyata lose his breath. It is Tamamori only that turns Miyata’s brain to mush simply by smiling at him. He gets so flustered something he can barely remember to breathe let alone think.
This understanding of how Tamamori makes him feel does nothing to alleviate the situation. It only gets a hundred thousand times worse. Miyata acknowledges that although he might not be the brightest crayon in the box it still took him inordinately long to add up all the signs and realize that he was in love with Tamamori.
There was a rather extended period of time somewhere in the middle in which Miyata debated what would be the best way to confess, that is if he should confess at all. In the end Miyata gathered all his courage and tried to tell Tamamori exactly how he feels. He was so nervous though that his words were rushed and jumbled. The way Tamamori lay his hand on Miyata’s forearm did nothing to help sooth his frazzled nerves.
I want to spend my whole life finding the answer to the question held in my heart
Tamamori of course didn’t understand. Looking back Miyata can see that not only were his words exceptionally corny but also exceptionally confusing.
I like you
In the end, Miyata gave up and told Tamamori flat out and then promptly clapped his hands over his mouth. Miyata can clearly remember the heat that rose in his cheeks.
Miyata knew that he would probably never be able to explain that Tamamori was the question in his heart.
I like you too you know. I think I always have
He was going to spend his life making sure that Yuta knew that he was answer.
The answer that Miyata had been searching for; one he would continue to look for, look after and keep safe.
A/N: Guh…this took me soooo(…)ooo long. I stopped and started and it’s probably disjointed and I’m sorry. I have no idea what happened with this. I had such a clear, firm idea of what I wanted and then… there was nothing =.=