Pairing: Fujigaya Taisuke x Nikaido Takashi, Senga Kento x Nikaido Takashi
Disclaimer: I do not own them.
It was sickening. They were sickening and it made Nikaido seethe. He hated watching them together. He hated being forced to watch, to know he could say nothing. One stone cold glance cast over the shoulder of another was enough for the words to die on his tongue. He couldn’t tell; was forced into this repulsive silence that burned at his heart, a fire so great its flames licked at his soul.
He closed his eyes and turned away; his gait stiff as he forced down his ire and walked away once again sheathed in silence. He didn’t stop at the call of his name; he seemingly did not notice Senga’s outstretched hand. Nor did Nikaido see the lingering disappointment on his best friend’s face. Senga stopped in front of the door way, the door ajar, the sight contained within; tangled limbs and golden skin, made him cringe, made him scowl.
It was always sudden. Nikaido hardly ever received any sort of warning. Although, even when he did; the force behind Fujigaya’s movements, the ferocity in his eyes and the silence took Nikaido by surprise. Every time, it was the silence.
Nikaido hated the silence sometimes.
There were no sweet words, no tender reassurances. It was hard and rough and Nikaido craved it and despised it. He hated that he was never the recipient of the sweetness he knew Fujigaya was capable of. He had never experienced the gentle caress of his hands or the affection he had seen Fujigaya bestow upon him.
The hands against his skin here hot; those hands pushed at his clothing with a fervor that almost made Nikaido believe that he was truly wanted; truly desired. Almost. Every time.
It only took one look up; to meet that frozen gaze to quell those thoughts, and yet it was those same eyes that planted the seed of desire in his belly. It was that gaze that fueled the very flames that threatened to consume him.
Every time, Nikaido tilted his head back, offered his throat. Craved it. Surrendered to it. Every time.
He could feel Senga’s eyes on him long before the boy said a word. Nikaido just waited, he was good at that. Senga would break first. He always did.
“Why don’t you just give up?”
Senga tone was pleading and Nikaido resolutely avoided his gaze. There was something about his best friend’s eyes that he found incredibly hard to ignore. Senga had been asking a lot of questions lately. Nikaido didn’t like to lie. In fact he avoided lying when and wherever possible but with the types of question Senga had been asking… well frankly, Nikaido just didn’t want him to know the answers.
He shouldn’t have to know. Senga would only worry anyway, so really he was doing his best friend a favour.
A hand came to rest on his shoulder and Nikaido struggled to hold back the automatic flinch. The weight of Senga’s anxieties pressed down against him and it was then that Nikaido realized that the younger boy worried about him regardless.
He tried to walk away, to brush of Senga’s question as easy as it was to shrug of his touch. He was held firm though, Senga’s hand grasping at his wrist, effectively stopping him in his tracks.
He gave a half shrug, “It isn’t a case of giving up. It isn’t like that at all.”
With those words; that somewhat cryptic explanation he turned a blind eye to the pout forming on his friend’s lips and a deaf ear to the indignant whine of his name.
His toes curled. He struggled to breathe. His back arched at a painful angle, his hands searching, restless, desperate to find some purchase; anything to anchor him to this moment.
He wanted nothing more than to live this moment for forever. Nikaido didn’t want the moment to pass over him, he didn’t want to stare at the bruises that mar his skin and remember, and he didn’t want to see the parallel red, raised scratches that ran the length of his back in the bathroom mirror. He didn’t want the evidence of the time they spent together, he wanted the moment itself.
It was only for a moment, but at the single solitary point in time, when Fujigaya’s eyes met his, as tremors coursed through his body, as he bit his lip to keep from crying aloud; Nikaido felt needed. He felt…
There was no one else in the world. There was only him, Fujigaya and their moment together. Nikaido wished it could stay that way.
He is aware of the fact that Fujigaya probably knows, the thought both terrifies him and makes him shake with anticipation. For the longest time Nikaido hid it, he covered up. He wore scarves or high collared shirts to cover the finger shaped bruises that encircled his neck. He didn’t change in front of the others so as to avoid questions about the marks on his back and his hips. Nikaido hid his excitement at the very sight of Fujigaya, he played indifferent.
It was getting harder and harder to hide the way he felt. Nikaido could cover the physical evidence of their times together but he was finding it increasingly difficult to deflect Senga’s probing questions and Kitayama’s suspicions.
He didn’t want Fujigaya to be angry with him, so angry that he would leave. Nikaido didn’t want that at all. He would prefer Fujigaya to stay; to stay always. However, he also knew that that would never happen, it wasn’t even an option.
Nikaido passes the time with Senga. He knew it was wrong. He knew it was cruel to indulge the other, that it was wrong to lead him on. He accepted his best friend’s kisses with open-mouthed enthusiasm. He swallowed the innocence and the hesitant fumblings with an easy smile. It was easy with Senga; he didn’t demand anything from Nikaido. Didn’t ask for anything and gave everything in return. He never asked any questions when they were together, not about the chunks of missing time, not even about the fading bruises he surely noticed.
In the blue black of Nikaido’s bedroom, their skin still sweat slicked and rapidly cooling, it was easy to forget. Senga’s smile was brilliant beneath sleepy lashes and for the briefest of moments Nikaido’s heart leapt at the sight of it.
Senga’s breathing evened out, his dark hair fanning out against the white of the pillow, his bangs falling in his eyes. Senga’s hand was warm where it lay inside his own and Nikaido felt something grapple at him.
His phone flashed on his bedside table, the dull murmur of its vibrating tone echoing into his very soul.
Nikaido squirmed. His right shoulder ached from where he had hit the wall. The fingers grasping his bicep tightened. His left hand was caught in a vice-like grip, his right arm pinned painfully behind him.
He wanted to say stop but he couldn’t find his voice. It only took one look into those flashing dark eyes, though, to make all his thoughts disappear. Lips found his. A swipe of a tongue left Nikaido breathless and panting and desperate for more. The knee between his thighs pressed harder and he lost his fight to keep silent.
His head was yanked to one side and the scrape of teeth against his collar bone caused him to moan, his back arching as a shiver ran down his spine. Fujigaya’s body was heavy against his and Nikaido could feel his heart racing. He longed for the freedom to move, to place his hands on Fujigaya’s scorching skin. He knew it would never happen. It’s never even an option.
Fujigaya would never allow it and Nikaido has learnt to take what he can get.
The hand in his hair slips down to the nape of his neck and Nikaido’s toes curl in anticipation. A thumb swipes an uncharacteristically gentle caress against the line of his cheekbone and Nikaido’s eyes fly open in surprise.
Fujigaya’s eyes are calm and Nikaido is confused. The kiss that follows is hesitant but it doesn’t last very long. Before Nikaido can even draw a breath the look in those eyes has changed; hardened. It causes Nikaido to tremble in apprehension and desire.
He has never met any one that can make him feel as much as he does when he’s with Fujigaya. He’s never met any one else that can make him shudder and shake, moan and hiss; come as hard as he does.
Nikaido’s eyes slip shut as a hand closes over his throat. His skin feels on fire, he loses his breath. Fujigaya’s fingers tighten against the creamy paleness and Nikaido’s resulting scream is silent but it shatters his entire world.
Nikaido wasn’t prepared for the question. Fujigaya never stayed long after and he had certainly never said anything to Nikaido that required an answer.
You and Senga… You are…?
Nikaido’s answer is a stumbling stuttering of consonants that could possibly be taken as an affirmative if his flustered appearance was taken into account. Nikaido winced as the fingers gripping his wrist tightened painfully. Almost at once the pressure disappeared but before Nikaido draw his next breath, Fujigaya was once again pressed flush against him. There were fingers in his hair, a hand cradling the back of his head; all of his senses were filled with Fujigaya and for the first time, despite his body’s automatic response, he felt boxed in.
When Fujigaya kissed him, he eyes widened before the finally slipped shut as he returned the kiss that was far different to the ones he was used to. It was the type of kiss that reminded him more of his time spent with Senga. He moved his hand to touch; to rest on the other’s forearm, remembering a moment too late that this was Fujigaya, not Senga and the former had never allowed him to touch before.
Nikaido flinched in spite of himself. His worry disappearing but his confusion growing as Fujigaya gathered him up in his arms and held him impossibly close.
There was a muted crash that drew Nikaido from his daze. Then there was a sharp intake of breath that seared Nikaido’s soul. His eyes flew open. Over Fujigaya’s shoulder he could see Senga’s wide eyes. Such beautiful eyes that held no secrets, betrayed Senga’s every thought, had the power to bring Nikaido to his knees. Eyes that told him every day I love you, eyes that could rip his soul wide open and cause him to shiver and tremble.
Nikaido frantically pushed at Fujigaya’s shoulders. For the first time, he wanted to be free of that oppressive touch. His captor held fast and Nikaido watched as Senga walked away.
His heart hammered in his chest and his blood roared in his ears. He couldn’t find his voice. His world turned silent.
A/N: Ok…so this was lame. I wrote some of it for the JE Anon Smut/Kink meme but the idea wouldn’t leave me alone so I decided to expand it and it some how became a SenKaido fic….and far far more angsty than I intended. I wanted to show Nikaido’s confusion, his growth and his regression…I probably didn’t show it as well as I had hoped. Mah…I hope you like it anyways.