Rating: nothing more than PG+13
Pairing: various [labeled]
Disclaimer: Don’t own them. I don’t own anything recognisable
Comment: First time writing Kisumai…don’t hate me.
If you are interested, my other works are here
NB: Titles under cut
Teaser: My first thought was, ‘he’s new’. Which was followed closely, very closely, by ‘he’s cute’. [from 03.]
YOKOO WATARU x FUJIGAYA TAISUKE
Title: A time for firsts
Prompt: time, silence
The first time he kissed me it was awkward. I had never kissed anyone before and neither had he. And although it was awkward it was chaste and sweet and left me wanting so much more.
When he kissed me a second time only a few minutes later the awkwardness was still there but it was just that much more intense.
He was eager and it made me smile. It made me relieved. He wanted this, he wanted me as much as I wanted him. He pressed me against the wall, his tall frame flattened against mine. I could feel his heart beating rapidly against his ribcage and I could hear the roar of my own in my ears.
My whole world had narrowed to that corridor, to him, to his lips on mine. I moaned.
He pushed his thigh between mine and stepped even closer, his arms wound around my waist and my shoulders holding me to him.
He broke the kiss at looked down at me with hazy eyes and I shivered at the intensity I found in their depths.
He smiled at me.
He tightened his arms around me and my own hands lifted from his waist to curl more solidly around his frame. He dropped his head to my shoulder and placed a soft kiss to my collar bone.
He sighed as I slipped one hand beneath his hair to rest on his nape.
There was silence and for the first time in my life I didn’t feel the need to fill it. I listened to his heartbeat as it raced against my own. This was enough.
I was happy.
In his arms, I was truly happy.
TAMAMORI YUTA [KITAYAMA HIROMITSU x SENGA KENTO]
Prompt: static, pretend
Looking back I wonder if I could have fixed everything before the shit hit the fan. Looking back I wonder if perhaps I should have said something before everything was blown out of proportion. But hindsight is always at 20/20 vision.
I didn’t say anything and I think that I should have.
I was too busy trying to pretend that I didn’t notice the tension between them. I was too busy pretending that I let my friends, people I care about, get hurt.
You would have had to have been blind to not see the blatant underlying sexual tension between them. The smirks, the competitiveness, the bedroom eyes…it was all there.
Escalating and escalating, swirling and twirling and electric charged.
It was only a matter of time before them crashed together and it all the rest of us could do was pray that they didn’t explode on impact.
Every time there were together the air was statically charged and the heat and desire was so thick you could almost taste it in the air. There was a moment, however brief, that I thought that they could make it work.
I was wrong.
The crashed together and the rest of us were sent sprawling. The fought and tussled – it was messy and violent, intimidating and lustful and it sent the rest of us reeling with the sheer volume of their desire for each other. They exploded and it was up to the rest of us to pick up the pieces.
The tension is still there.
The desire is still visible between them.
The electricity between them crackles and fizzles.
But there were too many tears on both sides.
However regrettable, they won’t try again.
I hold a shaking, desolate, tear-streaked friend in my arms and I wait until he has exhausted himself before I smooth his fringe from his eyes and watch him struggle to smile. I know somewhere else, in another apartment across the city, there is another someone else holding another friend in his arms.
Waiting. Just waiting.
There isn’t anything else we can do.
NIKAIDO TAKASHI x SENGA KENTO
Title: Full Circle
Prompt: Rush of emotions
I’ve never been one to stand on formalities. My bluntness, I’m sure some people would consider it both a curse and a blessing. I don’t say things that I don’t mean. I’m frank and honest and I’ve always been on the opinion that if someone didn’t like it, well, then they can just go get stuffed.
I’ve never been a romantic person. I’ve never believed in love. I always cringe in movies when the hero and heroine confess in the middle of tears – or something equally as corny – that they love each other. It’s just plain stupid.
You wouldn’t catch me tearfully confessing to someone that I was in love with them.
Not in a million years.
I noticed him the moment he walked in the door. Not because I felt his presence or anything remotely sappy like that, I just happened to be facing the door when he walked through it.
My first thought was, ‘he’s new’. Which was followed closely, very closely, by ‘he’s cute’.
I’d like to think that despite my large list of flaws that I am basically a nice person. I approached him; he didn’t notice me until I was right in front of him. He seemed to be a little overwhelmed with the sheer amount of noise the rest of the juniors were making in the practice room.
I can’t even remember what I said to him but I remember his grateful smile and how infectious it was and how I couldn’t help but return it with a grin of my own.
I think it was from about that moment on that Senga Kento and I became best friends.
We’ve been through a lot over the years; lots of laughter and not so many tears. I watched as he grew into himself, I guess you could say. He’s more confident now, he smiles more as well. I think it was around the time that kis-my-ft2 was formed that I noticed a change in him. He became somewhat secretive. He started canceling last minute on me when we had arranged to meet up and hang out. When I confronted him about it though he said it was nothing. I can count the number of times I’ve raised my voice in anger at Senga on one hand. That day I added to that number.
‘My best friend suddenly ignoring me is not nothing!’
It wasn’t too long after that outburst that he brought her to one of our – uh – lunch dates for lack of a better word. I was already in the café, waiting, when he entered. I smiled when I saw him but as soon as I saw the petite girl following closely behind him and their clasped hands, I felt my smile slip right off my face.
So…this is why I was being ignored.
I was playing second fiddle to a girl.
I wanted to dislike the girl, whose name like her personality is saccharinely sweet but it was hard because she seemed so genuine. I wanted to dislike her for being the reason that I found myself wanting him. I wanted to hate her for forcing me to find this out about myself. I hated myself for only realizing what I wanted the moment it was taken away from me. I wanted to dislike her for taking away my best friend. I wanted to dislike her for liking him.
But he liked her…and I just couldn’t bring myself to bring any sadness to him, so I kept my distance and I held my tongue. For the first time in my life, I held my tongue so as not to bring unhappiness to someone else. I’ve never done that before, I’ve always just said whatever I first thought of. I’ve always just said whatever I wanted.
“You know, the ever straightforward Nikaido-kun is not as forthright as he thinks he is.”
I looked up to see Tamamori standing over me, smiling softly. I just grunted in response. He seemed to take that as acceptance because he sat down beside me on the couch.
“You frown too often when you think of them.”
I jerked in surprise but I refused to look at him.
“You know I’m right.”
I just ended up frowning more.
“He doesn’t know does he?”
I tensed. “Know what?”
Out of the corner of my eye I could see Tama-chan’s sad smile.
“You know, you say hurtful things sometimes. I don’t think you mean it the way it sounds – well not all the time. You just say what you think, and sometimes it hurts. But in all the things you say, I’ve noticed, not once do you talk about how you feel. Nothing is personal. Senga’s maybe a bit too naïve or maybe a bit too oblivious. He’ll never notice if you don’t tell him how you feel.”
I turned to face Tamamori who was watching me with cautious eyes. I scowled at him but he didn’t even flinch.
“I don’t want to.”
“Tell him how you feel. You feel for him right?”
“You didn’t answer my question.”
“I don’t have too!”
At the moment Senga walked in, chatting amicably with Kitayama-kun. I glanced at him and then turned back to glare at Tamamori.
“You should tell him.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t have feelings Nika! It’s unbecoming. We all know just how caring you are. We all know just how far you would go for….”
I didn’t want to hear anymore. I didn’t want them to hear. I didn’t want him to hear.
“What the fuck is so great about feeling! Because I finally let myself and I feel like my heart’s been completely ripped out!”
I didn’t wait for a reply; I just stormed from the room.
“I’m sorry Nikaido-kun. I shouldn’t have pushed it.”
I felt ten thousand times worse then I already did when Tamamori apologized to me the next day.
“I’m sorry too.”
I watched Tama-chan watching me. I could almost see the thoughts racing around in his head.
“I’m not going to tell him Yuta. He’s my best friend and he’s so happy. I don’t want to burden him.”
The silence hung heavy in the air between us before Tamamori whispered, “I still think you should tell him. I think he deserves to know.”
I didn’t say anything and again the silence lingered in the air. He brushed his fingers over my hand in a silent act of comfort before he walked away and left me to my thoughts.
When Senga and his girlfriend broke up, Tama-chan sort me out and urged me to confess, once again I said no.
When Senga introduced me to his new girlfriend a couple of weeks later, I tried my best to be polite but I think I failed miserably. I just felt like screaming and screaming and crying and crying. I did neither of those things.
Tamamori wrapped his arms around me in a hug the day that Senga brought his girlfriend to meet the rest of Kisumai. I didn’t shrug off his touch, not even when I noticed Senga watching us with wide eyes.
He approached me after dance practice one afternoon. I could barely remember the last time we walked to the station together, I couldn’t remember the last time we spent any time alone together.
“Is Tama-chan your boyfriend?”
I choked and tripped over my own feet. “What? No!”
“Oh… I just thought that… uh…never mind. I mean, you seem close to him lately.”
“You’re never around Senga. I spend time with Yuta because he’s willing to spend time with me.”
Senga flinched like I had just slapped him. I suddenly remembered what Tama-chan said about my words being hurtful. I flushed.
“I didn’t mean to sound accusatory. You spent time with your girlfriend; time that you used to spend with me. What did you want me to do? What do you think I do to fill up that time that used to be filled with you?”
I felt like smacking my forehead against the nearest wall. That was probably just as hurtful as the last thing I said to him.
“I’m sorry Nika….I just….”
“Don’t worry about it.”
For the first time, between us, the atmosphere was uncomfortable.
“Do you remember when you yelled at Tama-chan?”
I stopped walking and Senga bumped into me.
“…Uh…what were you talking about?”
“Why do you ask?”
“Because I thought you were having an argument.”
“Uh, we were.”
“No. I mean yes I know but I thought you were arguing because you were together and it was like a….like a….”
“Like a lover’s quarrel….?”
“No. He was telling me I should confess to the one I like and I don’t want to.”
“Oh…” he glanced at his shoes before meeting my eyes again, “You like someone Nika?”
“Hmmm. But they don’t like me back.”
“Oh… How do you know they don’t like you back if you don’t confess to them?”
“Because they already have someone. Because he’s happy and I don’t want to make him sad or burden him with my feelings.”
“Oh I see. Wait! what? He?!?”
I looked at him defiantly, as if daring him to say something. I would not be ashamed of my choices, not in something important like this.
“The one you like is a boy, Nika?”
“Nothing. I just didn’t know. Why didn’t you tell me?”
He was looking at me imploringly and my heart jumped against my ribcage. I didn’t quite trust myself to speak so I shrugged instead.
On the morning on my 18th birthday I awoke to someone pounding on my front door. I walked to it wearily and pulled it open a bit so I could see out. I could see drenched shaggy brown hair and warm brown eyes and then suddenly I was pushed back into the room, my arms full of an over excited Senga. I fell backward and we tumbled to the floor in a mass of tangled limps.
“Happy Birthday Nika!!”
I was still too sleepy or perhaps too shocked to say anything, that, and I had just had the wind knocked out of me.
I grunted in response.
“We are spending the whole day together so cancel all your other plans because I don’t care what you say, today is just you and me!”
So we spent the whole day together that day and despite the fact that every time he touched me my heart leapt to my throat and every time he smiled at me my mouth went a little dry, I couldn’t help but feel kind of desolate. This was so unfair. I don’t want to spend time with him like this, because it feels like, to me, that maybe there could be something but I know, I know for certain, that it we will never be anything other then two friends.
When we got back to my place, we ended up sitting on the couch drinking soda and laughing ourselves stupid at some old drama reruns. At one particularly sappy scene Senga choked on his mouthful as he tried to laugh and swallow at the same time. Like the generous friend I was, I thumped him on the back – hard – whilst trying to reign in my laughter at the look on his face.
After a few moments, when he stopped trying to hack up a lung, he wiggled away from my hand still clapping across his back. He was still laughing though. I drew my hand back into my lap and looked away from his flushed smiling face.
For a moment I had been able to forget that I was desperately in love with him. But when he looks at me like that….
“Have you told him yet?”
I froze and my chest felt tight and it was like there was this giant hand around my throat making it hard for me to breathe.
“Told who what?” I questioned, trying to sound innocent.
“The one you like? Do you still like him?”
“I still like him.”
“I haven’t told him. He likes someone else.”
I looked up at Senga’s sad face and yelped as I fell backwards against the couch as I suddenly found myself with my arms full of a distressed Senga. I looked down at the shaggy brown mop of hair currently buried in my chest with surprise. I felt his arms wind themselves around my torso and I beyond confused.
Honestly, I was petrified.
With his head against my ribcage, he could surely feel just how erratically my heart was beating. Add to that I had no idea why Senga was so upset. I tentatively placed my hands upon his shoulders, one hand sneaking into his hair to press against his nape. I could feel his shoulders shaking and his tears soaking the front of my tank top.
I didn’t know what to say so I just held him to me and let him cry.
After a moment or two he tilted his head back so I could see his face, his eyes were swimming with tears. Before I could ask what was the matter he whispered to me something that would affect me; that would haunt me in times to come.
“…anyone that would pass up the chance of being in your arms, being held by you, being loved by you, doesn’t deserve your love….”
It wasn’t until later, after he had gone, after I had replayed that scene over and over in my head that I realized something. Senga’s actions were out of character. I mean, his words, they had, they have, a profound effect on me but his reactions in general were out of place.
Senga was not normally so sensitive. Senga hasn’t touched me so intimately in a very, very long time but today he literally threw himself at me twice. I can’t deny that I like holding Senga in my arms but for him to hug me twice in one day when he hasn’t done so in months and months and months was odd. What if there was something wrong?
OMG…what if there was something wrong and he was trying to tell me without words but I just wasn’t getting it? I pulled my covers up over my face to hide my shame from the empty room…
…I was the worst kind of friend.
The next morning found me trudging to Senga’s house in the rain. I had brought an umbrella but the wind had battered it around so much I was soaked within minutes of stepping outside so I had rolled it up and put it back in its sheath and continued on my way. By the time I reached Senga’s apartment door I was shaking like a leaf, utterly drenched to the bone.
It was Senga’s mother that answered the door. She proceeded to ask how I was and if I was here to see Kento and how lovely it was that Kento had such nice friends, meanwhile I was standing in the foyer shivering whilst trying to toe out of my squelchy sneakers. She didn’t seem to notice until I sneezed. It suddenly seemed to dawn on her the was I soaking wet cause then she bustled down the hall and came back with a mountain of towels that she proceeded to drape all over me. She fussed as she scrubbed at my hair, muttering something about ‘children these days’. When I was no longer dripping she sent me down the hall to Senga’s bedroom. I murmured my thanks and walked away as fast as I could without appearing like I was running away.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I reached Senga’s door at the end of the hall. I had my hand on the doorknob, all ready to burst through, like I usually do, and demand an explanation for yesterday but then I heard something that made me stop in my tracks and make my blood coil.
“She broke up with you? Yesterday??”
It was Kitayama’s voice.
I could hear the tears in Senga’s voice and suddenly yesterday all made sense. Senga’s over excited smile in the morning – to hide his sadness – and I had fallen for it. I was so stupid, to think that he really wanted to spend the whole day with me, for no other reason then wanted to spend time with me. Senga’s hugs – overcompensation, trying to hard to appear as he usually does – and again I had fallen for it. Senga’s reaction to being in love with someone that loves someone else…correlation to what he was now going through.
I had half a mind to barge in through that door and yell and scream at him for being so unfair but I couldn’t… I just couldn’t….it hurt too much.
I let go of the door handle and wandered back down the hall. I nodded to Senga’s mum as I listlessly put my shoes back on and grabbed my useless umbrella and I once again got ready to brave the storm outside.
I called as I knocked twice on his bedroom door. There was a bit of rustling and the low murmurs I could hear before suddenly died and it was Kitayama-kun that opened the door for me. I stepped over a pile of books that were for some reason stacked in front of the doorway and sidestepped a pile of clean laundry that my son had yet to put away, in order to place the tray of tea and snacks I had brought onto the low table in the centre of the room.
I pretended not to see the forlorn look on my son’s face. I pretended not to see the tears in his eyes. I know better then to fawn over him in front of his friends.
“Did Nikaido-kun have somewhere else to be?”
I pretended not to notice the way Kento’s head snapped up at the mention of the other boy.
I pretended not to notice that Kento’s voice broke as he said the name.
It was Kitayama-kun that spoke next though.
“Nikaido? I’ve been here all morning, we haven’t seen Nikaido.”
“Oh…well that is strange. He was just here a few moments ago. Poor dear was practically drowning in rain water. I got him dried off and sent him down the hall to you. When I saw him leave again a few minutes later, I thought it a little strange. If he had to tell you something, why didn’t he just use the phone, why did he come all the way here?”
I pretended not to see the distressed look that flittered across my son’s face and I ignored the look he exchanged with Kitayama-kun. I just stepped to the side so as not to get barreled over my Kento charging from the room. A few moments later I heard the front door slam shut.
“He probably didn’t take a jacket.”
I looked over at Kitayama-kun to see him shaking his head, “No, probably not.”
I chuckled and strolled out of the room and went back to the ironing I had left unattended when Nikaido-kun had first arrived.
I nearly almost died when I head my mum say that Nika had been here. Why had he come? Why had he left without saying anything? All I could think about was, ‘what had he heard?’ and ‘how could I explain it to him so he didn’t misunderstand?’ because I knew that he must have heard something. Maybe he was upset that I had gone to Kitayama rather then him for advice about what had happened yesterday.
But I couldn’t go to Nika, not when it was about him. Not when the reason she broke up with me was because of him.
I couldn’t think anymore, everything was just focused on Nikaido. I just ran from the room, I just wanted to find him and explain. I grabbed the first pair of shows I could find and I raced after him. If I was lucky he would still be close by.
I ran out the main doors of the apartment complex and was promptly pelted with cold rain; my eyes constantly scanning the street for his figure amongst the scattered umbrellas.
Her words floated back to me.
…you care more about him then you do me…. …even when you are with me I can tell that you are thinking about him…. …you are always thinking about him…
It’s like your mind with full of him and there is no room left for me. Not in your thoughts or in your heart.
When I think about it, all that she said, it is all true. Even when I cancelled last minute on him to spend time with my girlfriends, I was still unconsciously thinking about him. Thinking about what I would have been doing, had I not cancelled on him. How I would have preferred to be hanging out with him. How I would have preferred to see his smiling face. Thinking about how much I missed him.
I had spent weeks planning his birthday. I wanted to surprise him. I wanted to spend time with him.
When she broke up with me that morning I can not deny I was upset. Yet, somehow I think I was more upset that I needed a third party to tell me just how much I care about him.
Why hadn’t I been able to figure it out by myself?
How could I have been so stupid?
I spent what seemed like ages in the rain and I was just about to give up when I saw him. A lone figure sitting on cold stone steps, his knees drawn up to his chest and his head bowed.
You know that feeling you get when you can just sense someone watching you. I have that right now but I’m too afraid to look up. I don’t want to look up incase it isn’t him because then I’ll just be disappointed. I’m too scared to look up in case it is him and then I’ll be at a loss of words.
I knew I was a lot of thing. I just never realized ‘chicken’ was one of them.
I stiffened. It was him.
I weird warmth spread through my rain chilled body at the sound of my first name spilling from his lips but I still didn’t answer him.
“Why did you come over this morning?”
I shook my head.
When he placed a hand on my forearm I jerked almost violently but he didn’t remove his hand. I sighed heavily and spoke to my knees.
“You were weird yesterday and I thought maybe you were sad and so I wanted to make sure you were ok. But you already had Kitayama and I didn’t want to interrupt so I left.”
“What else could there be?”
I sounded bitter even to my own ears.
“Nika, about what you heard….”
“It’s ok. I understand…”
“No it isn’t ok, because you don’t know the full story and I….”
“Stop saying that!”
I jerked when he snapped at me.
“I don’t know what else to say Senga. I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“It’s because of you?”
“She broke up with me because of you.”
I made an indignant sound and looked up at him, my eyes flashing with anger, “I didn’t touch her Senga. She’s not my type.”
His scowl softened, “I know. That isn’t what I meant.”
I felt my brow furrow, betraying my confusion.
“Do you remember, that time that you and Tama-chan argued?”
I raised an eyebrow at the shift in subjects.
“Yes,” I murmured.
“You screamed at him about feelings and getting your heart ripped out.”
“Yes…” I didn’t like where this was leading to.
“Tell me? Tell me who hurt you? I want to know who it was that hurt you so badly. I want to make it better. Nika looks best with a smile. I don’t want you to be sad.”
“You can’t. I can’t. You can’t make it better.”
“Why not? Perhaps if you just tol….”
I ducked my head. I could feel the sting of tears in my eyes. I could feel them slipping down my cheeks and mingling with the rain. Senga’s fingers brushed against my cheek and I lifted my head to meet his gaze.
I watched as his eyes widen with surprise as he registered my distress.
“It’s you. It’s always only ever been you. I’ve tried so hard to deny it but you make it so hard. I don’t want to feel. I don’t want to feel this way for you. It only ruins everything. I can’t help it though. I hate it. I hate feeling like this.”
“I am so in love with you.”
I whispered the words and half prayed that the whistling wind and driving rain drowned out my words. Alas, as I watched Senga’s eyes widen and his mouth go slack with shock, I knew that my words had registered.
I wanted to run away and hide from his sight but I couldn’t move. My legs felt like they were filled with lead, my heart was pounding rapidly against my chest. Was this was despair feelings like? Every second that ticked by seemed to press down against me.
“I’m the one that you argued with Yuta about?”
I nodded, my head bowed, my eyes lowered.
“All those years ago. You’ve felt like this – about me – for years.”
Again I nodded.
“Why didn’t you ever tell me?”
“I couldn’t. I didn’t want to. It’s just made everything worse like I knew it would.”
“When I told you anyone would be a fool not to return your feelings I truly meant it Takashi. I just never thought your feelings would be for me. I didn’t dare dream that they would be for me.”
Nikaido held my gaze and he didn’t bother to try and hide his tears. His tears, still falling soundlessly from dark eyes, over pale cheeks and quivering lips – I don’t think I’ve ever seen Nika look so open as he did right now.
Nikaido loved me.
He loved me. He confessed to me and I was still sitting there staring at him like an idiot. I wanted to smack myself.
When I hugged him I felt him stiffen in surprise but I didn’t let go. I just couldn’t let go. I didn’t want to. Not ever again. Holding Nika in my arms is singularly the best feeling in the world. It doesn’t matter that he’s shivering and shaking like a leaf. It doesn’t matter that he hasn’t returned my hug. It doesn’t matter that he is soaking wet. It’s Nikaido. That makes it ok.
I don’t know why I never realized it before.
I felt cool lips press against my collar bone and his murmured words.
“It’s always only ever been you.”
I just held him tighter.
My heart felt like my heart was in my throat. When Senga leant over and wrapped his arms around me, his capable arms providing warmth and comfort that I didn’t think possible, it gave me some semblance of strength. After a hesitant moment I tentatively return the embrace.
I don’t really understand what he meant with his hug but he wasn’t rejecting me. He held me tighter, pressing himself against my frame, I returned the sentiment.
Maybe saying how I truly feel inside isn’t such a bad thing after all.
A/N: Uh...hope you don't hate them. [01.] was written in 10 minutes [03.] was written over several days because I got stuck and so I'm sorry if it sounds disjointed at all - I had a plan and then I forgot it so I had to wing it for a bit.